again and again

It's final. Mid August. That's when I'm leaving. It's a huge deal. After nearly six years, I'm finally going back to Malaysia for good.

I can't wrap my head around that fact. But, it's just something I have to do. Life, and specifically career wise, has been stagnant for too long.

This first half of 2009 have been very productive and informative. It's time to use whatever I've learnt here and apply it back home. (Even if the fate of the industry is still highly questioned and doubted)

A few friends have asked if I wanted to make films in Australia. Why not Australia? Why Malaysia?

Firstly, I don't see myself qualified to make anything, anywhere, YET. I have to learn still and gain more experience. But, I'm free to indulge in my imaginations and daydreams. So even if I wanted to, I can't make films here. Its too competitive and I don't feel comfortable in my own skin. Also the fact that I'm an outsider and communication issues.

I'm Malaysian. I want to make Malaysian films. Help grow the industry in some way, if at all. Patut aku tulis Bahasa Malaysia kot kalau nak berpatriotik ni. Lantak. Lagipun, aku rasa kalau kerja ngan orang Malaysia lagi senang nak communicate kot. Wavelength sama. And, aku rasa skarang mesti lagi ramai orang celik pandai yang nakkan something new. Aku pun nak jugak!

So what now?

Perah otak!

There's a million options to choose from. Maybe first and foremost, some kind of financial stability. Don't mistaken this for mundane-ness. This is merely to survive.

Next, I'm really excited to meet these growing number of youngsters yang semakin mengancam kerja2 diorang. Filmmakers, musicians, artists, creative writers. I need to be kept up to date because I've been away for far too long. I've missed out on so much, watching from a distance. This time, I wanna be in the mess too. I'm offering my services for something similar in return.

For now, that's about it. I'm not yet ready to disclose more plans on this forsaken blog. But I really do have a million things that I want to do. How exciting.